" there are people so poor, that the ONLY thing
                        they have is money. "


i had a blog called " i like expensive shit. " i mean i do. but this was to the point where i thought it validated me. just to be like "NIGGA YOU AIN'T UP ON THIS." i don't know if it was because i wanted people to think i was better than what i was or im not really sure. i mean its okay to like nice things but when it comes to the point where you are spending your last to get something you want versus something YOU NEED, maybe you have a problem. after being broke but having an expensive ass purse with no money in it i realized i needed to re-evaluate my shit. i was tired of calling home and begging  for money. and feeling like my family was still obligated to do shit for me. basically im still recovering from being obsessed with all this expensive shit that i cant do anything with anymore. being with my son i way more than i need. i don't want to be one of those people with prada shoes on and no fucking soul.

There's a lot going on so I don't even know where to start. This may take awhile... Im 18 weeks pregnant! My entire life is changing and I have this overwhelming love for the little boy growing inside of me. But I caught myself wondering if had made the right decision today. Something I'm very ashamed of. I don't even know if its normal to think something like that. There's plenty of reasons why I wonder if I made the right decision. And trust me, I'll spare you on the soap opera details. But my mom can always put things into perspective. On top of me being a strong believer in whatever happens at every moment in your life is suppose to happen. I've resolved the small question that was a thorn in my side today as I looked at pictures of my friends in San Diego and wondered exactly how much ill be missing out on. Then I had to remember sacrifices are to be made. And anything that happens here and out is exactly what is suppose to happen. I even have a really good quote I read somewhere down the line because (get this) I'm have this thing about what my soul wants and what's best for it. Yes, I care about my soul. " your soul only progresses when you are faced with problems, and you can muster the fortitude to solve them. hence the reason for your earthly existence. " just something to think about it. Now for the second and difficult part of my life, Lauren. I feel like even writing about our friendship is just as exhausting as it is talking about it. Partly because I don't know where to start. I don't even want to talk about the bad things. I just want to talk about how hurt my feelings are and how I feel like I'd be betraying myself by making up with her. maybe I'll save this for another day...

j.cole CD tho.

mannn, where do i start?

only...

in a perfect world.

the real l word.

i want to fuck ALL of the. no shame here.
no but really i'll take romi, whitney, and claire.
i feel like this show pretty much captures how difficult lesbian relationships are.
all of the shit they're going through I AM CURRENTLY GOING THROUGH IT
OR EXPERIENCED IT. why are relationships with women so fucking difficult?
thats a real legit question. and im waiting for an answer. no one got anything?
ya. figured that. but i can't wait for next season. this is what im hoping for:

-sajdah calms the fuck down, she acts like a horny 15 yr. old boy.
-romi's jewelry line is picked up and she's single and sober!
-whitney seriously needs to leave sara the fuck alone. season 3 she needs to get over that bitch.
-claire and francine are so bad for each other and i really hope they stay away from each other.
-rachel should have a fucking job by season 3 and her shit together. ga, she was a trainwreck
-kaci and cori! they really want a baby. why? idk. but i hope the invitro was successful.

trust me. i know none of this shit will probable work out how i want  it. but fuck you. i can dream can't i?

NOW PLAYING.

GYPSY WOMAN-crystal waters. this song is old as fucking dirt. but i love it so much.

so lately i've been on the constant hunt for new music/new artist(well new to me anyway) and i've found some really good bands.

-wax tailor
-the weeknd
-stardust
-white town
-dave spoon
-robyn

SONGS I'VE BEEN PLAYING OBSESSIVELY:

*dont wanna go home-jason derulo
*beware of the boys-panjabi mc
*que sera-wax tailor (my absolute favorite right now)
*crash and burn-robyn (my second absolute favorite)
*blunt blowing-lil wayne.

enjoy ;)

hate.

is a strong word but i really dont give a fuck.
because its a lot of things and people that i actually
fucking hate.


"still looking for the high road..."